Roots…
Somewhere in the cold dark silence of rest a place for dreaming waits like fertile ground to be planted. In the stillness of winter roots take priority over energy stores and systems. They emerge out of seed and bulb. They grow from tree and shrub down deeper reaching further into the subterranean world seeking life giving water and nutrients while simultaneously creating a foundation for the plant to grow stronger and taller into the sky basking in the warm golden sunshine. Dreams, good dreams, dreams that mean something at the emotional core are like roots. They can dig into the dark unknown and sustain, nourish, and support growth and development, achievement and enjoyment, and all the action of life.
Instead of focusing on New Year’s resolutions this year, I’m turning to winter dreaming to lay plans for the future. Instead of forcing change or action from an external directive that’s tight and restrictive, dreaming opens the gaze wide looking out into distant horizons and visions of the possible, the sought after, or the longed for. It’s beautiful to dream. Dreaming is the substrate of a life worth living.
Start with dreaming…
Action and planning start with dreaming. Goals, ambitions, and pursuits all originate from something wanted, something imagined, something dreamt of. Why does the painter paint? Why does the athlete train? Why does the student study or the traveler travel? They all long for something that drives them to do what they do. It can be as simple as to have that experience. The painter may paint for the pure pleasure of smearing color on a canvas, but he may also paint to improve his skill, to make a portfolio or a name for himself, to earn money, to gain recognition, to be loved as a painter, as an artist. The same could be said for the athlete, student, or traveler. Sometimes people do what they do because they love to do it. That is enough! Often, though, there is something else that drives them, something that they long for, and they use their pursuit as a vehicle to achieve it.
When dreaming it’s important to discern what is desired separate from what is being used to attain what is desired. Many famous people have expressed that fame is not what they expected it to be and that they wish others who desire fame could experience it so that they could understand it is not what it seems. Fame for many, but not all, is a mismatch of means to ends. Fame can appear to be a way to achieve adoration, recognition, and approval, but the reality of fame sits askew from these qualities. Instead fame achieves notoriety, opportunity, and power. Those who sought love instead receive demand from those attracted to or wanting to use the power of influence and persuasion attached to fame. Those who sought acknowledgement instead receive the impact of being “known” without the respect given to those who are taken seriously for their accomplishments. Those who sought approval find an overabundance of opportunity due to their notoriety and influence but only for their name or face recognition and not because of anything about who they are, what they’ve accomplished, or what matters to them. Similar observations could be made of wealth. Now, this is not to criticize wealth and fame. These are valid dreams that are not inherently bad, they just achieve different ends than those that many people actually want. They are a kind of trick or an illusory shortcut to getting what is desired. If one desires power and influence, fame and wealth are perfect means to those ends. If one desires respect and love, fame and wealth present misleading avenues. The point here is to dream honestly so that true longing and desire can emerge rather than mirages presenting the false promise of what is truly wanted.
A guide to winter dreaming…
To facilitate a little winter dreaming, I’ve written four questions that can direct that drifting exploration into the possible and the wanted. The questions have some overlap, but each presents a different way to try to get at the honest truth of the heart’s desire. Some questions focus a little more on day-to-day experience and others more on long-term life experiences. Ultimately a good life is one in which the lived moments are as great as the goals and accomplishments. When dreaming of the future, bringing both the lived parts of life and the more static or momentary goals and desires together helps create a complete picture of what is wanted.
I recommend considering one or more of these questions for a while behind closed eyelids lying down in a cool quiet room. Imagine the images, sounds, and sensations you would experience as you answer the questions. Next, write it out in a notebook or on the computer (or dictate it into a dictation app). Either do this in the quiet or put on some music that makes you feel the way you want to feel (I recommend some winter ambience). Get a glass of water, a cup of coffee or cider, or some other hot or cold beverage to sip while writing out your dreams. Get cozy, this exercise should feel good, hopefully a little exciting (and maybe a little scary – remember that it’s hard to separate excitement from fear and feeling a little fear with excitement usually means you’re on the right track).
How do you want to live?
Imagine your ideal day or week. What do you do? How does it feel? What kinds of activities do you pursue? What kinds of opportunities present themselves to you? Where do you go, and who do you spend time with? What is in your life? Write out your ideal day, week, and beyond – include how you feel living the various parts of that life and the people, experiences, and things that are a part of it.
What do you want to do?
From the simple to the grand, what do you want to do with your time or in your life? What do you want to do first thing in the morning, or before bed at night? What do you want to do every day or only on weekends? What do you want to do year after year? What do you want to do at least once? What are the simple things you want to do, and what are the big, significant, grand things you want to do? Write down everything, even things you already do so long as you want to do them.
Where do you want to be or go?
When you think about a good life for you, what kind of spaces do you occupy? Where do you spend time physically in the world? What are the qualities or characteristics of those spaces and places? How often are you in those spaces and places? Write in detail about the things, people, and feelings of the spaces and places where you want to be or go.
Who do you want to be?
What kind of person would you like to be? What do you do in the world that matters to you? What do you contribute or support? What do you bring to or do for others? Write about who you would like to be in the world for yourself and for others including how you feel about yourself when you behave like the person you would most like to be.
Dreams are private…
Mindreading technology doesn’t exist…yet. You can hold private thoughts for no one but you to know. When dreaming of the future be selfish and be honest. It will not serve you to worry over what others need or what others think in this exercise – that comes later. I’m not asking you to be inconsiderate, but rather to know something true about yourself regardless of what others might need or think. You can build your dreams with others in mind, but you have to have the raw, pure dream first. Consider the last question prompt, “who do you want to be?” For questions like this it can be easy to slip into answers about who we would like others to think we are. For example, “I want to be someone who is compassionate to others”. Is that really true, or is the answer more like, “I want other people to recognize that I am a compassionate person”? If it’s the latter, the dream is to be someone who others view as compassionate. I cannot stress enough how important it is to create that distinction in your mind. This will make the difference between having the dream and living the dream. If you proceed to follow a dream of being a compassionate person and pursue it through your own individual lens of compassion you will likely never feel recognized as a compassionate person and remain frustrated. To achieve the dream of recognition you may need to modify how you give compassion so that it can be received and acknowledged by others. Just because it feels compassionate to you doesn’t mean others will experience it that way – they may, in fact, feel imposed upon. However, the dream might genuinely be to live a more compassionate life. If so, no recognition is required, it’s about how you feel about yourself in the way you conduct yourself toward others. Get the difference?
Other examples of dream statement twists and spins are listed below. All statements are completely valid, but it’s important to write the ones that are the most directly honest and true:
- I want to be skinny/lose weight vs. I want people to like me for how I look vs. I want people to like me vs. I want the people I like and respect to like me vs. I want to like myself vs. I want to be healthy vs. I want to feel good physically
- I want to write a bestselling novel vs. I want to make money writing vs. I want to viewed as a great writer vs. I want to be a recognized as a professional writer vs. I want to call myself or consider myself a writer vs. I want to write
- I want to travel to Thailand vs. I want be the kind of person who travels to Thailand vs. I want to participate in conversations with friends who travel to Thailand vs. I want to eat authentic Thai food in Thailand vs. I want to experience a yoga retreat in Thailand vs. I want to have a spiritual experience
Use your emotional compass…
To draw out the truth behind your responses to the dreaming prompt questions ask yourself why. Why do you want to be skinny or write a bestselling novel or travel to Thailand or be a compassionate person? What does that mean for you, and how does it make you feel? Your answers to the “why” question might get you closer to your truth. In your dreaming you are looking for positive feelings. Use your emotional compass. When you feel feelings like contentment, satisfaction, love, excitement, appreciation, joy, profound curiosity, and deep longing you’re heading in the right direction.
Making dreams reality…
Once the dreaming is done, return to where you are presently in your life. The great beauty of dreaming is that it’s a self-discovery process and sometimes completing the exercise itself is enough. It can inspire or provide clarity on where you are versus where you want to be. It can inform you about what it is that you truly need. It might even tell you something about who you really are. The only way forward in life comes through confronting reality then taking your next step. Oddly the dreaming exercise is a form of confronting reality, if you did it honestly. In dreaming you confront yourself and in returning to where you are at present you confront the contrast between yourself and where you are. This knowledge alone may result in change without any additional effort or intention. But you can take this information further and use it to guide change in your life. Facing the reality of where you are and the situations you are in may wind and fork the path to achieving your dreams. It’s unlikely that there is a straightaway from where you are to what you want, though you never know, but at least now you are equipped to navigate the road no matter how many twists and turns it presents. You’ve set your destination, now you need only steer, and little preparation around the New Year might be just the thing to get you moving.
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